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Monday, 27 April 2015 18:38

How I Feel Getting Ready for a Midsingle Event

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If you haven't read any of my previous articles regarding the joys and wonders of the LDS midsingle world (examples here, here and here), then perhaps you aren't aware of my satirical take on all things midsingle. Disclaimer: don't take everything I write seriously, although I have put my heart into a few such posts, including The Future Spouse Jar and The Case of the Tin Soldier

But like many of you, the preparation for attending an LDS midsingle event can be both time and energy consuming (which is why Facebook invented the "Maybe" going option). First you have to read about the event on Facebook, then click on the "Attending" list to see who is going, then reach out to your friend group (aka "the team") to see what everyone is thinking. Should we go? Is there another party or dance or bonfire or hike or Powell party or game night or or or etc. etc. etc. You get my drift.

And then, once a decision has been made (which depending on the size of your friend group could be a miracle in and of itself), then comes The Preparation. Now, ladies, I won't even begin to comment on the labors you go through to get ready for the dances or parties or any of the midsingle social events, really. But I think what you'll read below speaks for all of us when I describe what we feel when we get ready to head to whatever event we've decided to attend (thirty to sixty+ minutes late, mind you; best to be fashionably late).  

1. What I Feel the Morning Of

Wakey wakeyRaise your hand if checking your cell phone is the first thing you do in the morning. Come on, be honest, you know it is. You check your texts, then your Facebook, Tinder for a bit then maybe, just maybe, you do something big-kid-like and look up the news or perhaps even the weather. But somewhere in there, you are mentally checking your schedule. Thank goodness for calendar reminders, right? And Facebook's convenient "Events" tab to keep us on top of our social outings.

On a more serious note, I highly recommend spending five minutes in the morning putting together a To-Do list and outlining what you'll do that day. I have seen Olympic gold medalists do this, international CEOs do this and even award-winning artists do this. It is well worth it!

2. What I Feel at Lunchtime

Am I Going? Don't Know Yet"Are you going tonight?" Who knows that at lunchtime? I mean, we still have the rest of the afternoon to decide, plus a few hours after work. No need to make any decisions just yet; we might get a better offer or invite at the last minute, right?

While you're trying to decide, if you need any more indication about our demographic's inability to commit then just look at the "Attending/Maybe Attending" ratio on any event's page. 

3. What I Feel When I Walk Through the Door From Work

Where are all the parties at?Well, now you've had all day to peruse your evenings' options and talk with your friends about what you're going to do. You've made up your mind (and they their's) to go to Event A, and maybe Event B or C if A turns out to be lame. So, now it's time to put on the war paint, pick out your hottest outfit and get ready to have some fun. Oh, and maybe run by the store to buy the item that you're supposed to bring to share. You're an adult now. This isn't a kid's birthday party where the mom buys all the treats. If the event host/hostess asks people to bring stuff, don't be a moocher; go to the store and get it. It's called good manners.

4. What I Feel When My Friends Bail Via Text

What the crap?We've all had this happen to us; the night is planned, the timing is set, we've prepared ourselves to head to whatever event is going on and then "ding!" The text message comes in from your friend with some lame excuse as to why they won't be going anymore.

Just remember to count to ten and take some cleansing breaths before responding to said person. And don't worry about it, you've got other friends going and will make new ones once you get there. If you get there. You're still going right?

5. What I Feel When My Crush Asks if I'm Going

She asked about meIt doesn't matter if you're 16, 36, or 56, when the person you're interested takes the time to see if you're going to the event, you get a little excited. Of course, that kicks the need to get ready up a notch, but you try to play it cool with a text or chat message like, "I think so. What about you?" Secretly you're dying for them to say "Yes, can't wait to see you." Admit it.

Tip: Make sure you introduce them to your friends; that's not showing off, that's showing respect and then their friends can meet your friends.

6. What I Feel When I Pick Out Clothes

Put on your best suitAs much as we all hate to admit it and often joke about it, there is a certain desire/pressure (a mixture of the two) to look your best at LDS midsingle events. After all, in what can sometimes be crowds of several hundred we all secretly want to stand out. And so, we invest in nicer clothes, shoes, hair styles, makeup for the ladies, gym time, fake contacts for some, fake other things for others, etc. The problem is that this only leads to escalation in style and "what do I need to do to stand out in this crowd?" Honestly? Just be yourself. God only made one of you so why work so hard to be like everyone else when he made you unique?

7. What I Feel When I Get Ready

I got thisI think everyone of us has a kind of mental preparation that we go through at some level when we are going to midsingle events. It may not be much for some social engagements, but others require a serious internal psyche-up conversation with ourselves. Just unleash your inner Jack Handy and remember, "Doggonit, people like you.

And in case you're offended by the .gif swearing there, my apologies; "Cool Runnings" just has some personal connections to my bobsled endeavors which you can learn about here.

8. What I Feel When I Drive There

On my way"I'm on my way!" Riiiigggghhhtttt. You haven't even done your hair, brushed your teeth and put your shoes on yet. Get moving, your friends have entered the dangerous midsingles world without you and they need their Wingman!

While driving you might also think, "This is going to be awesome!" And depending on our attitude it just may be. Sometimes the small activities like a game night can be just as amazing as a formal dance with four hundred people. It call comes down to our willingness to keep a positive attitude and be a Christlike friend to others. Yes, I said be a Christlike friend. Some of the greatest midsingles I have ever met are those who let the light of Christ shine brightly in their souls and it shows on their face. Big tip: no cologne, expensive outfit, haircut or makeup brand can replace the attractive light of the spirit in someone's life.

9. What I Feel When I Get There

Once more into the breachRepeat the mantra: "I can do this, I can do this, I can do this." Ok, maybe it isn't that bad, but sometimes when I walk into a huge midsingles event, I don't even know where to start. It's like walking into a mob, albeit more friendly one, wondering who to talk to, who to steer clear of and where your friends are since you can't see them with two-hundred other midsingles surrounding you. And let's not forget to mention the young single adult/midsingle adult blending that goes on occassionally.

I say roll with it. Make some new friends. Challenge yourself to go talk to someone you don't even know and then invite them to meet your friends. Personally I think we should all embrace the idea that groups of friends should be ever expanding as we reach out to "love one another."

10. What I Feel When I See My Crush Flirting With Another Guy

FiguresOoo, this one sucks a little. Ok, a lot. But we play it cool, pretending we don't care (or notice) while silently we check our phones to make sure we read said crush's previous text correctly. Yup, we did. That sucks even more. Where is the chocolate cake in this place?

Just Taylor Swift-it and shake it off, friends (I can't believe I just wrote that). You can tell yourself, "Their loss" or "He/she isn't right for me" or whatever you want to in order to feel better, but the truth is it could just be timing. They chose to make time for someone else at the party so guess what? Go make time for someone else yourself who wants to make time for you.

11. What I Feel When Another Cute Girl Says Hi

Hello, Beautiful GirlAh, by grace we are saved! From rags to riches, our fortunes have changed. And chances are we are truly grateful for this amazing individual who saved us from an evening spent wallowing in self-pity. So honor their courage for coming up to say hi to you and show them genuine respect and pay true attention.

One small note here: girls, a little secret is that guys are not going to run or shut you down (at least not the right kind of guys) if you say hi to them first. Maybe we would all have an easier time dating if we worked together on the "breaking the ice" problem?

12. What I Feel Like When I Leave

Goodbye, AllTo our credit, the LDS midsingles community works pretty hard to include each other during social events (and if your friends feel "too good" to include others, what kind of friends are you hanging out with?). I'll repeat my challenge that each of us should talk to at least one person that we don't know at every event we attend, and that means that we might have to be the one to go up and say, "Hi". 

That being said, it is great to see old friends and make new ones. I think that is why many of our events have such great turn outs (yes, that does depend on what part of the country you live/how big the LDS community is in your area). So, good for us on that part, but I think we can do better. Let's reach out to our friends who might be more shy, might be less active, might be having a hard time. President Gordon B. Hinckley taught that one of the most important things that a new convert needs in the Church is a friend. Well, I feel that his teaching also includes every midsingle out there since we should all be working to become converted more and more to the Gospel each and every day.

13. What I Feel Like the Next Morning

God, I can'tJoking aside, as I talk to more and more of our fellow midsingles, I'm finding a split right down the middle of reactions towards our ever-growing social scene. For some, the almost exhausting efforts to "put themselves out there" and "play the game" is tiring for the body, mind and soul. Hence the "I'm going to die alone, Merry Christmas" .gif to the right. These beautifully-souled midsingles are happy in life, but aching for the love and joys of marriage and family life.

And yet others thrive on the attention, the fun, the partying, the flirting and the no-pressure atmosphere of said world, a world that on a positive note allows time for healing of the heart and soul for many of us. The negative side, however, is that perhaps we have become too comfortable in the never-ending dancing, partying, bowling, movieing, dining, hiking, Powelling, Duck Beaching, Game Nighting, etc. There is a part of me that can't help but wonder if perhaps, just perhaps, an excess of partying is a little too close to the lifestyle found within the Great and Spacious Building. It may not be foundation-less, but I wouldn't exactly call it stable.

Now, before you "poo, poo!" that thought, ask yourself if there isn't some danger in comfort zones. To be "damned" means that there has been a halt to our eternal progression. Could it be, just possibly, that when we become so comfortable in the friend-zone of the social scene that we cease trying to move forward towards committed relationships and marriage? "Taking a break" is one thing, but giving up on the journey is another thing entirely. I guess deep down we can only answer for ourselves where we are and where we are headed.

If you find yourself playing a little too much, I would encourage you to ask yourself what exactly it is you really want. Are you going to these events to form lasting friendships with the true desire to find an eternal companion? Or are you content to playing in the shallows of the ocean while God has created a much broader vista for you if you'll just have the faith to work for it? "A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are for" and all that. Deep down, you know that you are meant for great things, much great things than this world can offer so why do you spend so much time playing as if this life was all there is? 

We who are about to die salute youOn a final note, the truth is I salute each and every LDS midsingle out there who is still "fighting the good fight" to "finish [their] course" that Heavenly Father has laid out for them, including honoring their covenants, keeping the faith and most of all maintaining a positive outlook on their future, including their dating and relationships. I salute you, my brothers and sisters. So laugh much, pray often and never give up.

And most of all, remember, you're awesome.

You're awesome

Jeremy C. Holm

Author & American athlete Jeremy C. Holm has spent over half his life in the fast-paced winter sport of bobsled, including as the Head Coach for the US Adaptive Bobsled Team. He has a degree in Journalism and is pursuing a degree in Military History at the American Military University. In addition to motivational speaking and corporate appearances around the world, Jeremy is the author of three books and spends his time camping, hiking, writing and trying to make history, one day at a time.

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To read more of Jeremy's work, you can order one of his highly-acclaimed books by visiting the Online Store to purchase signed copies or unsigned ones by purchasing a copy wherever books are sold. 


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Jeremy C Holm author bobsled

When Angels Fall, the 511th Parachute Infantry Regiment
Utilizing firsthand experiences and interviews with members of the 511th Parachute Infantry Regiment, including his grandfather 1st Lieutenant Andrew Carrico of Company D, Jeremy tells the full story of this historic regiment. From Camp Toccoa to Tokyo, and the training grounds of Camp Mackall and New Guinea to the nightmarish combat of the Leyte and Luzon campaigns, WHEN ANGELS FALL is a masterful narrative by a former journalist and historian who here tells the full story of a group of America’s heroes, the elite paratroopers of the 511th PIR in World War II. Buy Now

Fire on Ice Jeremy C Holm
Racing down an icy track at 80 miles per hour leads you to think of many things. For Jeremy C. Holm, it made him think of God. In Fire and Ice, Holm shares his experiences as a bobsled pilot and coach, presenting a message of faith and personal courage that will inspire you to come closer to Jesus Christ and reach for that ultimate prize of eternal life. Buy Now

The Champions Way Jeremy C Holm
How do we achieve gold medal moments in life? How do we find peace and confidence and what truly makes us happy? Discover the answers in Jeremy's new ebook, "The Champion's Way", available now at Amazon.com. Buy Now